Sexual Health

Your sex life does not have to end after a colorectal cancer diagnosis.

Sexual Health

Your sex life does not have to end after a colorectal cancer diagnosis.

For some patients, sexual health is a top priority. For others, it’s the last thing on their minds. It’s important to understand that every patient experiences sexual health differently. Do not feel ashamed when discussing intimacy challenges or needs with your partner and/or doctor. If you’re experiencing problems or concerns, help is available.

For some patients, sexual health is a top priority. For others, it’s the last thing on their minds. It’s important to understand that every patient experiences sexual health differently. Do not feel ashamed when discussing intimacy challenges or needs with your partner and/or doctor. If you’re experiencing problems or concerns, help is available.

Sex versus intimacy

Sex and intimacy might be used interchangeably, but they refer to different things.

“Sex” generally includes things like genital touching, penetration, and orgasm, or talking about such things. But intimacy doesn’t necessarily need to result in what we consider “sex.”

Sex and colorectal cancer

You can have and cultivate an intimate relationship with your partner even if you’re not in the mood for sex, or if you’re unable to physically have sex. If you have colorectal cancer surgery, you’ll be encouraged to avoid sexual intercourse for 4-6 weeks. Patients on treatments like chemotherapy and radiation have also experienced libido challenges.

Sexual desire may also be impacted by pain, medications, self-image or physical ability.

And while sexual ability and desire may be impacted by a diagnosis, that doesn’t mean there cannot be intimacy in a relationship.

Ideas for intimacy

Intimacy is like a box of chocolates. There are an array of different styles and ways to be intimate, including but not limited to sex. Here are some ideas:

  • Cuddling
  • Holding hands and hugging
  • Sharing your feelings
  • Making intentional eye contact
  • Gentle massage
  • Anything that helps you open up and feel connected to your partner

Sex versus intimacy

Sex and intimacy might be used interchangeably, but they refer to different things.

“Sex” generally includes things like genital touching, penetration, and orgasm, or talking about such things. But intimacy doesn’t necessarily need to result in what we consider “sex.”

Sex and colorectal cancer

You can have and cultivate an intimate relationship with your partner even if you’re not in the mood for sex, or if you’re unable to physically have sex. If you have colorectal cancer surgery, you’ll be encouraged to avoid sexual intercourse for 4-6 weeks. Patients on treatments like chemotherapy and radiation have also experienced libido challenges.

Sexual desire may also be impacted by pain, medications, self-image or physical ability.

And while sexual ability and desire may be impacted by a diagnosis, that doesn’t mean there cannot be intimacy in a relationship.

Ideas for intimacy

Intimacy is like a box of chocolates. There are an array of different styles and ways to be intimate, including but not limited to sex. Here are some ideas:

  • Cuddling
  • Holding hands and hugging
  • Sharing your feelings
  • Making intentional eye contact
  • Gentle massage
  • Anything that helps you open up and feel connected to your partner

Talking about sex

Not everyone is comfortable talking about sex in general, and a colorectal cancer diagnosis can make things even harder to talk about. But, communicate clearly with your partner about your needs, desires, and limits to ensure you are on the same page.

If you are in a long-term, committed relationship, this may come more naturally (maybe), but if you find yourself having trouble expressing yourself, try taking it slow and making sure your partner understands what you are saying. Sometimes, having a third-party (like a counselor) can help you articulate your feelings in a non-threatening and neutral way.

There are also multiple ways to express love and intimacy.

Spencer was diagnosed with CRC at age 22, and while he had been in a relationship for less than a year at the time of his diagnosis, he was engaged to be married in three months.

Spencer acknowledges that sexual health can provide challenges from a medical standpoint, but he and his fiancée stay connected by taking their intimacy outside of the bedroom. He is an excellent cook, and his love language is food. He is very appreciative of his fiancée for providing food for him to cook a meal that they can enjoy together.

If you’re with a new partner who may not know the details of your treatment, make sure you’re comfortable talking about your diagnosis and the cancer before you start discussing intimacy.

This doesn’t mean you need to print off your medical records and go over them in detail, but make sure you’re comfortable sharing vulnerable information about yourself first. This will help to establish a base layer of trust, upon which further discussions about sex and intimacy can be built.

A cancer diagnosis can put strain on a new relationship, no doubt about it. When stage IV survivor JJ was first diagnosed, his focus was 100% on himself and getting better. After finishing his surgery and chemo, he thought he was cured and began dating for the first time in a long time.

And then his cancer came back, and the girl he was in a new relationship broke things off. The combination of a hasty breakup and the realization that his cancer was incurable impacted his confidence and self-perception, which can be devastating. So – how do you take a chance when you’ve been hurt?

The answer varies, but generally, survivors can always benefit from connecting with other people who “get it”. There are young adult groups and single people that have similar experiences as you. While it may take some time to track them down, finding people who understand the world you live in can be rewarding and lead to meaningful relationships.

Don’t be afraid to discuss your sexual concerns with your doctor and care team. This might feel awkward, but trust us, they have heard it all before. If you have questions about how your treatment will impact your sex life, what to expect in the future, or when it’s safe to start having sex again, bring it up with your doctor. Here are some reasons to talk to your doctor about your sexual health:

  • Cannot create or sustain an erection
  • Lack of feeling in genital areas
  • Vaginal dryness
  • Pain with intercourse
  • Unable to orgasm

Your health care team can prescribe and recommend medications, products, tools, and therapies to help you.

Talking about sex

Not everyone is comfortable talking about sex in general, and a colorectal cancer diagnosis can make things even harder to talk about. But, communicate clearly with your partner about your needs, desires, and limits to ensure you are on the same page.

If you are in a long-term, committed relationship, this may come more naturally (maybe), but if you find yourself having trouble expressing yourself, try taking it slow and making sure your partner understands what you are saying. Sometimes, having a third-party (like a counselor) can help you articulate your feelings in a non-threatening and neutral way.

There are also multiple ways to express love and intimacy.

Spencer was diagnosed with CRC at age 22, and while he had been in a relationship for less than a year at the time of his diagnosis, he was engaged to be married in three months.

Spencer acknowledges that sexual health can provide challenges from a medical standpoint, but he and his fiancée stay connected by taking their intimacy outside of the bedroom. He is an excellent cook, and his love language is food. He is very appreciative of his fiancée for providing food for him to cook a meal that they can enjoy together.

If you’re with a new partner who may not know the details of your treatment, make sure you’re comfortable talking about your diagnosis and the cancer before you start discussing intimacy.

This doesn’t mean you need to print off your medical records and go over them in detail, but make sure you’re comfortable sharing vulnerable information about yourself first. This will help to establish a base layer of trust, upon which further discussions about sex and intimacy can be built.

A cancer diagnosis can put strain on a new relationship, no doubt about it. When stage IV survivor JJ was first diagnosed, his focus was 100% on himself and getting better. After finishing his surgery and chemo, he thought he was cured and began dating for the first time in a long time.

And then his cancer came back, and the girl he was in a new relationship broke things off. The combination of a hasty breakup and the realization that his cancer was incurable impacted his confidence and self-perception, which can be devastating. So – how do you take a chance when you’ve been hurt?

The answer varies, but generally, survivors can always benefit from connecting with other people who “get it”. There are young adult groups and single people that have similar experiences as you. While it may take some time to track them down, finding people who understand the world you live in can be rewarding and lead to meaningful relationships.

Don’t be afraid to discuss your sexual concerns with your doctor and care team. This might feel awkward, but trust us, they have heard it all before. If you have questions about how your treatment will impact your sex life, what to expect in the future, or when it’s safe to start having sex again, bring it up with your doctor. Here are some reasons to talk to your doctor about your sexual health:

  • Cannot create or sustain an erection
  • Lack of feeling in genital areas
  • Vaginal dryness
  • Pain with intercourse
  • Unable to orgasm

Your health care team can prescribe and recommend medications, products, tools, and therapies to help you.

Self-image and intimacy

Everyone feels self-conscious from time to time, and that is completely normal. You may find yourself especially anxious about your body if you have surgical scars or ostomies, which is also completely normal. Try not to let these feelings take over and rob you of your desire to be intimate.

One way to counter self-image concerns is by practicing feel-good behaviors:

  • Intentionally think positive thoughts about your body
  • Saying positive things to yourself in the mirror
  • Write a letter to your body and offer gratitude
  • Wear an outfit that you like
  • Eat healthy meals
  • Hang out with friends
  • Exercise (as your body permits)
  • Seek encouragement from your partner and let them know how important their words are to you and supporting your self-esteem.

Self-image and intimacy

Everyone feels self-conscious from time to time, and that is completely normal. You may find yourself especially anxious about your body if you have surgical scars or ostomies, which is also completely normal. Try not to let these feelings take over and rob you of your desire to be intimate.

One way to counter self-image concerns is by practicing feel-good behaviors:

  • Intentionally think positive thoughts about your body
  • Saying positive things to yourself in the mirror
  • Write a letter to your body and offer gratitude
  • Wear an outfit that you like
  • Eat healthy meals
  • Hang out with friends
  • Exercise (as your body permits)
  • Seek encouragement from your partner and let them know how important their words are to you and supporting your self-esteem.

Accepting a new normal

There is no “right” timeline for adjusting to the changes that your diagnosis or treatment have made to your body and emotions. It is ok to take your time and be gentle on yourself.

For many patients and caregivers, colorectal cancer brings a new normal to their sex lives. Be ready for things to change, but also be ready to find new ways to discover sex and intimacy. Acceptance is key.

You may need to make some adjustments to how you express your sexuality and desires for intimacy. Don’t focus solely on intercourse but nurture an intimate connection with your partner and be open to where things go from there.

Accepting a new normal

There is no “right” timeline for adjusting to the changes that your diagnosis or treatment have made to your body and emotions. It is ok to take your time and be gentle on yourself.

For many patients and caregivers, colorectal cancer brings a new normal to their sex lives. Be ready for things to change, but also be ready to find new ways to discover sex and intimacy. Acceptance is key.

You may need to make some adjustments to how you express your sexuality and desires for intimacy. Don’t focus solely on intercourse but nurture an intimate connection with your partner and be open to where things go from there.