Grief & Bereavement

Grief, bereavement, and mourning are all heavy concepts that seek to attach words to what can’t easily be
described or explained: the overwhelming feelings of loss and pain after the death of a loved one.

Grief & Bereavement

Grief, bereavement, and mourning are all heavy concepts that seek to attach words to what can’t easily be described or explained: the overwhelming feelings of loss and pain after the death of a loved one.

Expressions of grief

Grief is the difficult, but normal, process that everyone experiences in their own way when faced with loss, and grief will feel differently for everyone. Normal expressions of grief might include:

  • Feeling numb emotionally
  • Feeling depressed or overwhelmingly sad
  • Extreme anxiety and worry about the unknown future
  • Inability to believe or grasp that the loss of a loved one has occurred
  • Anger, frustration, and disbelief

Expressions of grief

Grief is the difficult, but normal, process that everyone experiences in their own way when faced with loss, and grief will feel differently for everyone. Normal expressions of grief might include:

  • Feeling numb emotionally
  • Feeling depressed or overwhelmingly sad
  • Extreme anxiety and worry about the unknown future
  • Inability to believe or grasp that the loss of a loved one has occurred
  • Anger, frustration, and disbelief

Stages of Grief

If you have ever taken a psychology course, you are likely familiar with the concept of “stages” of grief. This framework attempts to put words to experiences that are common across individuals who are experiencing loss.  The stages are:

Denial after a diagnosis or loss is common and is often considered the “first” stage of grief that a person may experience.

Frustration, feelings of unfairness, and the desire to place blame often accompany this stage.

This stage involves hope that you may be able to negotiate or bargain with the cause of grief to avoid it completely.

Despair and sadness define this stage. People may withdraw and spend more time alone.

As it sounds, this stage accepts the loss and people may feel calm or stable when confronting their loss.

The five stages of grief are a theory, but some may find it useful in processing what they are feeling. In no way does everyone necessarily experience these feelings in this order, out of order, or at all. This is simply a tool to help explain the grieving process, and you may or may not find that it is similar to what you have experienced or are currently experiencing.

Stages of Grief

If you have ever taken a psychology course, you are likely familiar with the concept of “stages” of grief. This framework attempts to put words to experiences that are common across individuals who are experiencing loss.  The stages are:

Denial after a diagnosis or loss is common and is often considered the “first” stage of grief that a person may experience.

Frustration, feelings of unfairness, and the desire to place blame often accompany this stage.

This stage involves hope that you may be able to negotiate or bargain with the cause of grief to avoid it completely.

Despair and sadness define this stage. People may withdraw and spend more time alone.

As it sounds, this stage accepts the loss and people may feel calm or stable when confronting their loss.

The five stages of grief are a theory, but some may find it useful in processing what they are feeling. In no way does everyone necessarily experience these feelings in this order, out of order, or at all. This is simply a tool to help explain the grieving process, and you may or may not find that it is similar to what you have experienced or are currently experiencing.

Types of Grief

The process of grieving does not necessarily begin once you experience the loss of a loved one, and in fact may start as soon as a cancer diagnosis is given. You may feel overwhelmed and sad at the prospect of living without someone you care about, and as such may begin grieving them well before their (hypothetical) death. This is also normal, and in fact there are different definitions of grief that seek to explain these different feelings.

  • Anticipatory grief: Occurs before the death of a loved one and may last for as long as your loved one is still living. Not everyone experiences this type of grief.

  • “Normal” grief: Occurs after a loss and is normally what people are referring to when they talk about grief. This type of grief is strong and often painful, but hopefully fades as time passes. Normal grief is not depression.

  • Complicated grief: Lasts longer than “normal” grief and those experiencing it may find that their grief has begun to impact their daily lives significantly. This type of grief does not seem to get better over time and may cause extreme distress and impact multiple areas of the grieving person’s life.

Most people eventually work through their grief over a period of time. Although you may not be actively grieving for years, it is important to recognize that you should not feel guilty for moving out of active grief and into remembrance of your lost loved one. Grief is a healthy process that will eventually fade over time.

Types of Grief

The process of grieving does not necessarily begin once you experience the loss of a loved one, and in fact may start as soon as a cancer diagnosis is given. You may feel overwhelmed and sad at the prospect of living without someone you care about, and as such may begin grieving them well before their (hypothetical) death. This is also normal, and in fact there are different definitions of grief that seek to explain these different feelings.

  • Anticipatory grief: Occurs before the death of a loved one and may last for as long as your loved one is still living. Not everyone experiences this type of grief.

  • “Normal” grief: Occurs after a loss and is normally what people are referring to when they talk about grief. This type of grief is strong and often painful, but hopefully fades as time passes. Normal grief is not depression.

  • Complicated grief: Lasts longer than “normal” grief and those experiencing it may find that their grief has begun to impact their daily lives significantly. This type of grief does not seem to get better over time and may cause extreme distress and impact multiple areas of the grieving person’s life.

Most people eventually work through their grief over a period of time. Although you may not be actively grieving for years, it is important to recognize that you should not feel guilty for moving out of active grief and into remembrance of your lost loved one. Grief is a healthy process that will eventually fade over time.

Coping

Grief after the loss of a loved one can be earth-shattering and debilitating. Extreme sadness and pain are normal feelings, and while it is important to recognize these feelings, it is also important to care for yourself emotionally and physically while grieving.

Give yourself permission to grieve in your own unique way. Cry, be angry, take time for yourself, and process your emotions – grief does not have a set timeline. But, try not to use unhealthy methods to deal with your grief, such as binge drinking or engaging in risky behaviors.

Coping

Grief after the loss of a loved one can be earth-shattering and debilitating. Extreme sadness and pain are normal feelings, and while it is important to recognize these feelings, it is also important to care for yourself emotionally and physically while grieving.

Give yourself permission to grieve in your own unique way. Cry, be angry, take time for yourself, and process your emotions – grief does not have a set timeline. But, try not to use unhealthy methods to deal with your grief, such as binge drinking or engaging in risky behaviors.

Honoring a loved one

You may find that it is helpful to honor and remember your loved one in different ways, such as:

  • Gathering favorite photos
  • Looking through their clothes to find especially cherished items
  • Cooking a meal that you enjoyed together
  • Connecting with others who knew your loved one to share stories, laugh, and cry – especially around holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries.
  • Set up a foundation, fund, or event in their memory

  • Adding them to the Wall of Champions in March.

Honoring a loved one

You may find that it is helpful to honor and remember your loved one in different ways, such as:

  • Gathering favorite photos
  • Looking through their clothes to find especially cherished items
  • Cooking a meal that you enjoyed together
  • Connecting with others who knew your loved one to share stories, laugh, and cry – especially around holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries.
  • Set up a foundation, fund, or event in their memory

  • Adding them to the Wall of Champions in March.

Sign of Unhealthy coping

It is normal to withdraw somewhat after a loss, and connecting with friends and family may bring you some comfort and support in a difficult time.

You may also find that you are unable to cope with your grief alone and that you are overwhelmed, or unable to manage your feelings. There is nothing shameful about needing help to overcome your pain, and in fact there are specialists who work only with those suffering from extreme grief. Counselors and psychologists may be able to offer you personalized advice and strategies that can help you cope with your grief.

If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please tell someone and get help. Call 988 immediately.

Sign of Unhealthy coping

It is normal to withdraw somewhat after a loss, and connecting with friends and family may bring you some comfort and support in a difficult time.

You may also find that you are unable to cope with your grief alone and that you are overwhelmed, or unable to manage your feelings. There is nothing shameful about needing help to overcome your pain, and in fact there are specialists who work only with those suffering from extreme grief. Counselors and psychologists may be able to offer you personalized advice and strategies that can help you cope with your grief.

If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please tell someone and get help. Call 988 immediately.

Supporting a grieving loved one

You might find yourself in a position where those around you are grieving and you may want to help. Grief can be a delicate process, and not everyone seeks out the comfort of others, but, if you want to help there are some ways you might try:

  • Respect that they are grieving. Do not try to “heal” them, make them move on, or forget about the reason they are grieving. Respecting that grief is a normal and healthy part of being human is the first step in the process of helping.
  • Try to be pragmatic with how you offer help. Offer to cook, clean, help with childcare or the laundry. Try to take care of some of the mundane and daily tasks so that they may be less preoccupied with busy work and free to work through their emotions.
  • Listen. That’s it. Let your grieving loved one know that you are there for them and are willing to listen without judgement or giving advice. Sometimes all someone wants to hear is that they are supported and that they have a shoulder to cry on, if needed.
  • Do nothing at all. Not everyone needs or wants external support when dealing with their pain. It is important, again, to respect their grieving process and not intrude if it is not desired. Sometimes all anyone needs to hear is that you are there for them if they need you.

Supporting a grieving loved one

You might find yourself in a position where those around you are grieving and you may want to help. Grief can be a delicate process, and not everyone seeks out the comfort of others, but, if you want to help there are some ways you might try:

  • Respect that they are grieving. Do not try to “heal” them, make them move on, or forget about the reason they are grieving. Respecting that grief is a normal and healthy part of being human is the first step in the process of helping.
  • Try to be pragmatic with how you offer help. Offer to cook, clean, help with childcare or the laundry. Try to take care of some of the mundane and daily tasks so that they may be less preoccupied with busy work and free to work through their emotions.
  • Listen. That’s it. Let your grieving loved one know that you are there for them and are willing to listen without judgement or giving advice. Sometimes all someone wants to hear is that they are supported and that they have a shoulder to cry on, if needed.
  • Do nothing at all. Not everyone needs or wants external support when dealing with their pain. It is important, again, to respect their grieving process and not intrude if it is not desired. Sometimes all anyone needs to hear is that you are there for them if they need you.

Children and grief

Children experience grief differently than adults, and the way in which they do this depends heavily on their age and stage of development. Children may not understand the concept of death, the cause of death, or how to cope with their feelings of sadness. Like adults, however, the way in which a child experiences grief will be unique to the individual and will look different depending on many factors.

If you have children and you are experiencing the loss of a spouse and the child’s parent, you may find yourself overwhelmed by your own grief and that of your child. It is important to allow yourself to experience grief as well as support your child while they process this loss as well. You may find it helpful to lean on extended family or close friends to help with daily activities while your family heals. You may also find it helpful to seek out counselors that specialize in working through grief as a family, attend joint therapy sessions with your children, and allow your child to attend therapy sessions as an individual, if they are interested and comfortable with the idea.

There has been a significant amount of literature written about helping a grieving child. An excellent list of resources, as well as helpful information on grief and stages of childhood development, can be found at the National Cancer Institute.

Children and grief

Children experience grief differently than adults, and the way in which they do this depends heavily on their age and stage of development. Children may not understand the concept of death, the cause of death, or how to cope with their feelings of sadness. Like adults, however, the way in which a child experiences grief will be unique to the individual and will look different depending on many factors.

If you have children and you are experiencing the loss of a spouse and the child’s parent, you may find yourself overwhelmed by your own grief and that of your child. It is important to allow yourself to experience grief as well as support your child while they process this loss as well. You may find it helpful to lean on extended family or close friends to help with daily activities while your family heals. You may also find it helpful to seek out counselors that specialize in working through grief as a family, attend joint therapy sessions with your children, and allow your child to attend therapy sessions as an individual, if they are interested and comfortable with the idea.

There has been a significant amount of literature written about helping a grieving child. An excellent list of resources, as well as helpful information on grief and stages of childhood development, can be found at the National Cancer Institute.

Learn more about grief and mourning in our Navigating Grief webinar.

Learn more about grief and mourning in our Navigating Grief webinar.

Grief Resources

Loss is an unfortunate part of colorectal cancer. There are several resources available to help you heal. We’ve partnered with these organizations to provide grief support to our community.

Cancer Support Community

Call the helpline to talk to someone right away.

Call helpline 888-793-9355

Gilda’s Club (local)

Many locations offer in-person and/or virtual counseling.

Find a Location

CancerCare

Staffs oncology social workers who can provide support.

Call 800-813-4673

Grief Resources

Loss is an unfortunate part of colorectal cancer. There are several resources available to help you heal. We’ve partnered with these organizations to provide grief support to our community.

Cancer Support Community

Call the helpline to talk to someone right away.

Call helpline 888-793-9355

Gilda’s Club (local)

Many locations offer in-person and/or virtual counseling.

Find a Location

CancerCare

Staffs oncology social workers who can provide support.

Call 800-813-4673