What you tell the kids about your cancer will depend on a few factors: how you’re currently processing your diagnosis, the age(s) of the kid(s), and what you feel they can handle.

Each child is unique, and there’s no “right way” to talk about cancer with kids.

There are several resources, however, that can help you explain cancer and what you’re going through to your kids, when you’re ready.

Cancer is challenging for everyone involved, and parenting with cancer can become very hard. The balance of what the patient and caregiver need, alongside what children need, can create a very stressful environment.

Be aware of your emotional needs and continue to get help from adults as you process. This will help you connect with your kids and be able to ask how they feel, receiving their feedback with grace and non-judgment. Do your best to actively listen, and don’t be defensive or fall into feelings of guilt. Be a safe place for your kids to share.

As much as you’re able, be present with your children and check in often. Ask open-ended questions to get them talking. These are questions without any wrong answers. Here are a couple of ideas:

Offer lots of hugs, snuggles, and extra time at bedtime (if your kids are younger). But don’t forget: Even teens appreciate a hug from mom or dad. Offer soothing bubble baths and soft towels. Gift your kids a new, fuzzy soft blanket or a robe. Go swimming. Line up a horseback riding adventure or visit a petting zoo.

Soft, gentle touches are soothing and calming. They may help your children learn to regulate their complex emotions in non-threatening ways.

If your household is feeling heavy, find ways to generate fun. Even if you can’t leave the house or travel far, there are ways to change your entire family’s mindset and put smiles on everyone’s faces:

If you’re in a slump and down in the dumps, take the initiative to find something fun. And if you personally cannot do it, call in people to help.

If you’re looking for a bit of financial help to provide some fun and distraction for your family, The Kimberly Fund may be able to help. This program offers grants to families to help take a trip, redecorate a room, or otherwise inject a bit a of joy into your lives. Applications open in July and grants are distributed in October.

Your children may or may not be showing you they’re struggling; but continue to be present and available as often as you can. Also, kids thrive when other trusted adults, who are not their parents, are in their lives. These can be teachers, coaches, aunts/uncles, grandparents, youth leaders, neighbors, family friends, and counselors. These individuals can provide support, listening, and encouragement.

Pay attention to who your kids are comfortable talking with and encourage these safe relationships. It can also help to let that person know how you’re doing, so they have context and background if your child does open up to them.