Summary
Transitioning to hospice care is a deeply personal decision that should be made only after an in-depth discussion between the patient, their care team, and their loved ones. Jeff Insco shared his family’s experience with hospice care in this moving blog.
The Hospice You Choose
The Hospice You Choose
Summary
Transitioning to hospice care is a deeply personal decision that should be made only after an in-depth discussion between the patient, their care team, and their loved ones. Jeff Insco shared his family’s experience with hospice care in this moving blog.
The decision to pursue hospice care is not one made lightly. It marks a transition from treatment with the intent to cure, to treatment focused on making the patient as comfortable as possible at the end of their life. Hospice care can take many forms and may be provided in a hospital, a specialized hospice facility, or the patient’s own home.
Transitioning to hospice care is a deeply personal decision that should be made only after an in-depth discussion between the patient, their care team, and their loved ones. Jeff Insco shared his family’s experience with hospice care in this moving blog.
If you or a family member are considering hospice, take the time to read this blog to gain insight from Jeff’s suggestions and first-hand experience.
Jeff Insco • October 2025
More than 5 years have passed since I lost my wife to colon cancer after an 8-year courageous battle. Once it became obvious her journey was coming to an end, it was her wish to experience hospice care in our home.
I had never experienced hospice and really had no idea what to expect. And to be sure, I hope I never have multiple occasions in which to compare. But I’ll share a bit about our experience in hopes it offers some help to others.
Multiple hospice providers were referred to us. After reviewing their material and asking around, we decided to go with the one directly associated with the hospital system who provided care to my wife throughout her journey. It was an issue of trusting the organization more than anything. After almost a decade of relentless focus on treatment and solutions, and trying to remain optimistic, thinking about hospice felt like the thing we worked so hard at avoiding: giving up. So, we didn’t spend a lot of time evaluating our options. Perhaps we should have.
Without anything to compare against, I certainly wouldn’t say what we experienced was bad or subpar. The people we dealt with were present for us, reliable, respectful, and caring. As far as I can tell, they were excellent. But after reflecting on it over the years since, I can’t help but wonder if choosing an independent provider whose core business is hospice would have offered a more high-touch experience. I’m not sure, but my hunch says yes.
Important note: our hospice situation occurred during the summer of 2020 in the middle of the pandemic. To say the situation was unique would be a huge understatement. Our hospice team was dealing with remarkable constraints and complexity, and that should not go without consideration here.
That said, once the process began, things started happening that I didn’t feel prepared for. I did have access to someone by phone who I’m sure tried to prepare me, but I still felt a bit subject to a process I had no control over.
Things just started happening. Visits to the house scheduled. Equipment showing up. A growing sense of urgency that things were supposed to be happening. Then bam… she’s settled in bed. “Here’s your med plan and a list of things to consider and take care of. Good luck. We’ll see you tomorrow. Call if you need anything”.
I found myself grieving and yet running on the adrenaline needed to be a caregiver, head of household and project manager in charge of ensuring all the people that wanted to come by the house to say good-bye would get their opportunity – in a COVID-aware kind of way.
I should have had someone close to us, but not immediate family become the conductor of the orchestra (or quarterback), if you will. This would have given back to me the opportunity to be more present for my wife and sons in her final days and attend to other close family. I was overwhelmed and now feel a bit guilty and ashamed for being so distracted, despite so many people telling me how amazingly I handled all of it. Though our communication was strong, there were things we didn’t get to talk about that I wish we had. That’s perhaps my greatest regret.
The harder lesson came from not having a clear sense of how things would play out. I mean, I knew the eventual outcome, but I was not prepared for the more detailed reality of it all – how her body would fail, how quickly it might happen, the role I would need to personally play in offering her physical and emotional comfort.
I provided the final dose that essentially helped her let go, and I held her while she took her last breath. No one told me that was a possibility. One of her sisters, who is a nurse, and countless therapy sessions have helped me effectively process this. And honestly looking back on it now, I’m not sure I’d want it any other way. But I was not prepared for it at the time or the emotional carnage it wrought afterwards.
All of this is to suggest:
- Think ahead about the experience you want to have with Hospice and find a resource that aligns with that. Don’t be a victim to process or circumstances.
- Ask someone that’s a step or two removed that you trust to be your partner and project manager of the situation if you can find one. Otherwise, ask for that from the hospice provider.
- Get very clear about the process, possibilities and your role at each step.
- Proactively seek advice and counsel in advance from an experienced professional to help prepare you and your family for how the process plays out and ends.
- Take care of yourself physically, as this will have a positive impact on how you handle everything.
- Be kind to yourself. Grant yourself grace in knowing that every journey is different. There isn’t a perfect right or wrong way to go through this process.
- All of this will enable you to be present and talk about the things you should talk about while you can (hint: now’s a good time regardless of hospice). Hopefully you can celebrate what you had rather than being sad about what you lost.
All the best to you,
The Insco Family
Summary
Transitioning to hospice care is a deeply personal decision that should be made only after an in-depth discussion between the patient, their care team, and their loved ones. Jeff Insco shared his family’s experience with hospice care in this moving blog.
The decision to pursue hospice care is not one made lightly. It marks a transition from treatment with the intent to cure, to treatment focused on making the patient as comfortable as possible at the end of their life. Hospice care can take many forms and may be provided in a hospital, a specialized hospice facility, or the patient’s own home.
Transitioning to hospice care is a deeply personal decision that should be made only after an in-depth discussion between the patient, their care team, and their loved ones. Jeff Insco shared his family’s experience with hospice care in this moving blog.
If you or a family member are considering hospice, take the time to read this blog to gain insight from Jeff’s suggestions and first-hand experience.
Jeff Insco • October 2025
More than 5 years have passed since I lost my wife to colon cancer after an 8-year courageous battle. Once it became obvious her journey was coming to an end, it was her wish to experience hospice care in our home.
I had never experienced hospice and really had no idea what to expect. And to be sure, I hope I never have multiple occasions in which to compare. But I’ll share a bit about our experience in hopes it offers some help to others.
Multiple hospice providers were referred to us. After reviewing their material and asking around, we decided to go with the one directly associated with the hospital system who provided care to my wife throughout her journey. It was an issue of trusting the organization more than anything. After almost a decade of relentless focus on treatment and solutions, and trying to remain optimistic, thinking about hospice felt like the thing we worked so hard at avoiding: giving up. So, we didn’t spend a lot of time evaluating our options. Perhaps we should have.
Without anything to compare against, I certainly wouldn’t say what we experienced was bad or subpar. The people we dealt with were present for us, reliable, respectful, and caring. As far as I can tell, they were excellent. But after reflecting on it over the years since, I can’t help but wonder if choosing an independent provider whose core business is hospice would have offered a more high-touch experience. I’m not sure, but my hunch says yes.
Important note: our hospice situation occurred during the summer of 2020 in the middle of the pandemic. To say the situation was unique would be a huge understatement. Our hospice team was dealing with remarkable constraints and complexity, and that should not go without consideration here.
That said, once the process began, things started happening that I didn’t feel prepared for. I did have access to someone by phone who I’m sure tried to prepare me, but I still felt a bit subject to a process I had no control over.
Things just started happening. Visits to the house scheduled. Equipment showing up. A growing sense of urgency that things were supposed to be happening. Then bam… she’s settled in bed. “Here’s your med plan and a list of things to consider and take care of. Good luck. We’ll see you tomorrow. Call if you need anything”.
I found myself grieving and yet running on the adrenaline needed to be a caregiver, head of household and project manager in charge of ensuring all the people that wanted to come by the house to say good-bye would get their opportunity – in a COVID-aware kind of way.
I should have had someone close to us, but not immediate family become the conductor of the orchestra (or quarterback), if you will. This would have given back to me the opportunity to be more present for my wife and sons in her final days and attend to other close family. I was overwhelmed and now feel a bit guilty and ashamed for being so distracted, despite so many people telling me how amazingly I handled all of it. Though our communication was strong, there were things we didn’t get to talk about that I wish we had. That’s perhaps my greatest regret.
The harder lesson came from not having a clear sense of how things would play out. I mean, I knew the eventual outcome, but I was not prepared for the more detailed reality of it all – how her body would fail, how quickly it might happen, the role I would need to personally play in offering her physical and emotional comfort.
I provided the final dose that essentially helped her let go, and I held her while she took her last breath. No one told me that was a possibility. One of her sisters, who is a nurse, and countless therapy sessions have helped me effectively process this. And honestly looking back on it now, I’m not sure I’d want it any other way. But I was not prepared for it at the time or the emotional carnage it wrought afterwards.
All of this is to suggest:
- Think ahead about the experience you want to have with Hospice and find a resource that aligns with that. Don’t be a victim to process or circumstances.
- Ask someone that’s a step or two removed that you trust to be your partner and project manager of the situation if you can find one. Otherwise, ask for that from the hospice provider.
- Get very clear about the process, possibilities and your role at each step.
- Proactively seek advice and counsel in advance from an experienced professional to help prepare you and your family for how the process plays out and ends.
- Take care of yourself physically, as this will have a positive impact on how you handle everything.
- Be kind to yourself. Grant yourself grace in knowing that every journey is different. There isn’t a perfect right or wrong way to go through this process.
- All of this will enable you to be present and talk about the things you should talk about while you can (hint: now’s a good time regardless of hospice). Hopefully you can celebrate what you had rather than being sad about what you lost.
All the best to you,
The Insco Family
Summary
Transitioning to hospice care is a deeply personal decision that should be made only after an in-depth discussion between the patient, their care team, and their loved ones. Jeff Insco shared his family’s experience with hospice care in this moving blog.
The decision to pursue hospice care is not one made lightly. It marks a transition from treatment with the intent to cure, to treatment focused on making the patient as comfortable as possible at the end of their life. Hospice care can take many forms and may be provided in a hospital, a specialized hospice facility, or the patient’s own home.
Transitioning to hospice care is a deeply personal decision that should be made only after an in-depth discussion between the patient, their care team, and their loved ones. Jeff Insco shared his family’s experience with hospice care in this moving blog.
If you or a family member are considering hospice, take the time to read this blog to gain insight from Jeff’s suggestions and first-hand experience.
Jeff Insco • October 2025
More than 5 years have passed since I lost my wife to colon cancer after an 8-year courageous battle. Once it became obvious her journey was coming to an end, it was her wish to experience hospice care in our home.
I had never experienced hospice and really had no idea what to expect. And to be sure, I hope I never have multiple occasions in which to compare. But I’ll share a bit about our experience in hopes it offers some help to others.
Multiple hospice providers were referred to us. After reviewing their material and asking around, we decided to go with the one directly associated with the hospital system who provided care to my wife throughout her journey. It was an issue of trusting the organization more than anything. After almost a decade of relentless focus on treatment and solutions, and trying to remain optimistic, thinking about hospice felt like the thing we worked so hard at avoiding: giving up. So, we didn’t spend a lot of time evaluating our options. Perhaps we should have.
Without anything to compare against, I certainly wouldn’t say what we experienced was bad or subpar. The people we dealt with were present for us, reliable, respectful, and caring. As far as I can tell, they were excellent. But after reflecting on it over the years since, I can’t help but wonder if choosing an independent provider whose core business is hospice would have offered a more high-touch experience. I’m not sure, but my hunch says yes.
Important note: our hospice situation occurred during the summer of 2020 in the middle of the pandemic. To say the situation was unique would be a huge understatement. Our hospice team was dealing with remarkable constraints and complexity, and that should not go without consideration here.
That said, once the process began, things started happening that I didn’t feel prepared for. I did have access to someone by phone who I’m sure tried to prepare me, but I still felt a bit subject to a process I had no control over.
Things just started happening. Visits to the house scheduled. Equipment showing up. A growing sense of urgency that things were supposed to be happening. Then bam… she’s settled in bed. “Here’s your med plan and a list of things to consider and take care of. Good luck. We’ll see you tomorrow. Call if you need anything”.
I found myself grieving and yet running on the adrenaline needed to be a caregiver, head of household and project manager in charge of ensuring all the people that wanted to come by the house to say good-bye would get their opportunity – in a COVID-aware kind of way.
I should have had someone close to us, but not immediate family become the conductor of the orchestra (or quarterback), if you will. This would have given back to me the opportunity to be more present for my wife and sons in her final days and attend to other close family. I was overwhelmed and now feel a bit guilty and ashamed for being so distracted, despite so many people telling me how amazingly I handled all of it. Though our communication was strong, there were things we didn’t get to talk about that I wish we had. That’s perhaps my greatest regret.
The harder lesson came from not having a clear sense of how things would play out. I mean, I knew the eventual outcome, but I was not prepared for the more detailed reality of it all – how her body would fail, how quickly it might happen, the role I would need to personally play in offering her physical and emotional comfort.
I provided the final dose that essentially helped her let go, and I held her while she took her last breath. No one told me that was a possibility. One of her sisters, who is a nurse, and countless therapy sessions have helped me effectively process this. And honestly looking back on it now, I’m not sure I’d want it any other way. But I was not prepared for it at the time or the emotional carnage it wrought afterwards.
All of this is to suggest:
- Think ahead about the experience you want to have with Hospice and find a resource that aligns with that. Don’t be a victim to process or circumstances.
- Ask someone that’s a step or two removed that you trust to be your partner and project manager of the situation if you can find one. Otherwise, ask for that from the hospice provider.
- Get very clear about the process, possibilities and your role at each step.
- Proactively seek advice and counsel in advance from an experienced professional to help prepare you and your family for how the process plays out and ends.
- Take care of yourself physically, as this will have a positive impact on how you handle everything.
- Be kind to yourself. Grant yourself grace in knowing that every journey is different. There isn’t a perfect right or wrong way to go through this process.
- All of this will enable you to be present and talk about the things you should talk about while you can (hint: now’s a good time regardless of hospice). Hopefully you can celebrate what you had rather than being sad about what you lost.
All the best to you,
The Insco Family
